The 26 Funniest Seinfeld Quotes of All Time

Source -The Rooster - by Isabelle Kohn:

Ask anyone on the street what the best TV show of all time is, and they’ll probably say “The OC” … NOT.

They’ll say Seinfeld, because Seinfeld is the tits. Nearly every syllable uttered (or more usually, shouted) on that show is a quotable masterpiece, and we’ve gathered some of the best of those for you here.

Why? Because Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer (and Frank … and Newman … and the Soup Nazi) are the closest things to idols we’ve got nowadays, and their wisdom is infinite and pants-shittingly LOL-worthy. Here we go:

1.

Audrey: “It’s amazing how many beautiful women live in New York. I actually find it kind of intimidating.”

Kramer: “Well, you’re just as pretty as any of them. You just need a nose job.”

2.

George: “Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?”

Jerry: “Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind.”

3.

George: “This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.”

4.

Frank Costanza: “Many Christmas’ ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.”

Kramer: “What happened to the doll?”

Frank Costanza: “It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US.”

5.

Elaine: “Maybe the dingo ate your baby …”

6.

Kramer: “You know what they say, ‘You don’t sell the steak, you sell the sizzle.’”

7.

George: “She’s got a little Marissa Tomei thing goin’ on.”

Jerry: “Ah, too bad you’ve got a little George Costanza thing goin’ on.”

8.

Elaine: “You’re through, Soup Nazi. Pack it up. No more soup for you. Next!”

9.

Russell Dalrymple: “So, what have you guys come up with?”

Jerry: “Well, we thought about this in a variety of ways, but the basic idea is I would play myself…”

George : “May I…?”

Jerry: “Go ahead.”

George: “I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: nothing.”

Russell Dalrymple: “Nothing?”

George: “Nothing!”

Russell Dalrymple: “What does that mean?”

George: “The show is about nothing!”

10.

George: “Do women know about shrinkage?”

11.

Elaine: “All right, let’s go, I’ll give you half an hour.”

Jerry: “You’re serious?”

Elaine: “Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.”

Jerry: “Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.”

12.

Jerry: “I don’t trust the guy. I think he regifted, then he degifted, and now he’s using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.”

13.

Mr. Ross: “I don’t think there’s any greater tragedy than when parents outlive their children.”

George Costanza: “Yes, I hope my parents die long before I do.”

14.

Kramer: “Well, I’ve got gonorrhea.”

Elaine: “That seems about right.”

15.

Jerry: “The jerk store called … they’re running out of you!”

16.

David Puddy: “I’ll be back. We’ll make out.”

17.

Babu Bhatt: “You very bad man, Jerry. Very bad man.”

18.

Jerry: “You know the message you’re sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You’re telling the world, ‘I give up. I can’t compete in normal society. I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.’”

19.

George: “The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli …”

20.

Jerry: “Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.”

21.

The “yada-yada-yada” …

22.

Jerry: “Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. It’s too risky. You get a sense of it, and then you walk away.”

23.

Everybody: “These pretzels are making me thirsty!”

24.

George: “You’re killing independent George!”

25.

Frank Constanza: “SERENITY NOW!”

26.

Everybody: “Hello … Newman.”

And now … for your eminent enjoyment: 23 minutes of pure, glorious Seinfeld bloopers because why not. What the fuck else are you doing today, working? This is  working.

Source: TheRooster